Doing things, but not writing

It has been a tough month and I can't wait for it to go. I'm not a winter person, and what with lockdown I have been struggling. I have no motivation to write, though I have submitted a handful of pieces over January and February. A piece of flash fiction was published by Visual Verse in January, one of only two new pieces I've written this year.

I find concentration hard these days. I flit from one thing to another, but nothing holds me. Even reading has been a struggle, but maybe I chose the wrong book for my mood; I firmly believe in the right book at the right time. I find non-fiction works slightly better, and am reading a very interesting book called Square Haunting at the moment. The book by Francesca Wade, is set around Mecklenburgh Square in Bloomsbury and follows five women who struggled to be who they wanted to be - independent, and follow their own career paths. It features H.D. (Hilda Doolittle), Dorothy L Sayers, Jane Ellen Harrison, Eileen Power and Virginia Woolf, who all lived in the square, though not necessarily at the same time. There are appearances by others, men who were lovers and friends, including Ezra Pound and D H Lawrence. As a Bloomsbury group fan, this book widens my horizons in that era of art and literature that broke moulds.

I was intrigued by Robert Harris's book Second Sleep. A post-apocalyptical story of a young parson sent a village to sort out the affairs of the parish priest who had died. He finds amongst the priest's things banned books and items from the past deemed heretical. Before long the young parson is caught up in things that go against his teachings, but is drawn in bit by bit by curiosity. Well worth a read.

What I am reading now is a collection of small press magazines. Popshot and Dreamscape are magazines I subscribe to. I love the mix of short stories, flash and poetry. I've bought a one-off copy of Butcher's Dog to try it out. 

So, if I am not writing, what am I doing? Well, in January we had a new garden shed which is rather nice! It is to be a for multiple uses. Last year I worked on the garden more than I ever have in the past. This year I want to really begin to understand how to do it properly! I've been seed sowing already, though I've had to move them indoors because it has been bitterly cold even my new insulated shed! When the weather is warmer, it will be a space for me to work in too. I have two fold-up garden chairs there and a large fleece to wrap myself up in. There is even a solar light, and I have bought a solar/wind-up radio!

Walking still keeps me sane, and I go out when I can. My last walk was on a bitterly cold day. My fingers ached from the cold. I had to take my gloves off every time I took a photo. Taking photos is my other obsession. It always has been, but since the pandemic I've taken way many more than I would usually.

This morning I booked for my first Covid vaccine. Perhaps there is a small glimmer of hope back to a semi-normal life. Warm weather would also help. I long to be in the sunshine and feel its warmth again. Meanwhile I shall keep reading, walking and gardening when I can.

All I want to do and what I have done

Excitement of the week - finding a supply of tomato puree

What I should be doing is writing. I have two novellas in progress, one started last year, the other about two/three years ago. The trouble is I don't feel the enthusiasm for story writing at the moment. I did go back to the novella I began last year and have added a little more to it. I even know where it is going, though not the ending. Yet I keep putting it off.

What I have been doing is more gardening, preparing beds and scattering seeds and sitting outside reading. I have read two books this week so my book pile are going down. I have a list of others to add to them! At present this is all I want to do, read.

I did get out for a walk today, first one in a week. There aren't many places near me but I chose one that cuts through a golf course. I seemed to spend more time on busy roads than in the quiet wooded walk. It seems so much shorter than it used to!

View across the golf course

I got particularly excited at the end of the food shop, after the walk, because I found a small shop with a supply of tomato puree. This seems to be one of those items in short supply. They only had cans but I bought three. I use tomato puree a lot in my veggie dishes.

At the back of a cupboard I came across a cookie mix box with a best before 2014! It's one of those you just add an egg and vegetable oil to. Well, I used it and they are going fast!

The highlight of the week was the supermoon and I got just a little obsessed with taking photos. My son even took his small telescope outside and I had a chance to get a better view of Venus. Thankfully, the sky was clear and it was warm enough to lurk around outside.

When I'm bored I often end up writing nonsense verse to amuse myself and my Facebook friends. So, let me share today's with you.

Mug

He was a half empty rather than half full kinda guy,

and always brimming slops of liquid brown eyes,

yet I would cup my hands around his body, feel the

warmth of him seeping into me.

Sometimes he was like china in my hands, overflowing

in emotion; I carefully arranged drip mats before him,

his spillages were hot tears or cold comfort, a handle

I couldn’t hold on to.

We ended up going around in circles and I threw him

to the wall. I shattered his heart and for that I am sorry;

I took up with someone whose lines lay between leather

bound pages.

Hastings Literary Festival, plus some art and walking

My room overlooked the seafront

I said I wasn't going to do festivals and conferences this year, yet when I saw this one at Hastings I decided to combine it with a mini holiday in Eastbourne and only book a couple of sessions. This worked out right for me as I managed to combine a few of my interests in one long weekend.

I'd booked a lovely B&B on Eastbourne seafront where I could watch the sunrise and hear the sea lapping at the shore in the night. I spent many evening in front of the window watching the world go by, gazing at the sea and listening to Smooth Radio!

I arrived last Thursday around 2pm and once unpacked and revived with a cuppa I set out for an easy walk along the seafront towards Princes Park where hubby and I took the boys when they were young (Fort Fun is opposite and we took them too!). I indulged in a chocolate ice and ambled around the park before going back into the town centre for something to eat.

Princes Park, Eastbourne

Friday was, for me (and in the words of Lou Reed) a Perfect Day. I caught the bus into Bexhill and headed for the De La Warr Pavilion (long been on my list for a visit). I loved it and had a chance to enjoy the first of my passions - art. Modern art is growing on me! I bought a cappuccino and sat out on the balcony enjoying the sun and the view. I had to tear myself away from the shop, though I did by a book by Grayson Perry.

De La Warr Pavilion,  Bexhill

Inside in the Pavilion

It was time for my second passion - walking. I walked along the coastline all the way to St Leonards. I was amazed by the difference in cliff formations and was in my element. With the sun warming me, the cloudless sky, the sound of sea and the great views I enjoyed this walk more than I can express. Once in St Leonards I decided to check out the venue for the first workshop I had booked. It was held in a room in the Horse & Groom Pub. I soon found it and went off to buy some lunch and ate it overlooking the beach.

The workshop was Songwriting. Yes, I thought I do something different yet familiar. The first song I ever wrote was when I was around 10 years old! As a teenager and into my twenties I wrote songs on my guitar and taped them onto cassette. A few times I even collaborated with penfriends of mine. They would send me lyrics and I would tidy them up so they would scan and put them to music. I don't read or write music (despite singing in a choir) but I could work out chords. I'd send them back the songs when I'd recorded them. It was fun to do and that was the main thing.

When I married the guitar was packed away and I hardly ever wrote, though when the children were small I did sometimes accompany myself singing Christmas carols and I taught both boys the bass line riff to Smoke on The Water by Deep Purple! However, their interest in learning guitar was soon lost. A few years ago I did take a Songwriting course with Coursera and came away with an 89.9 pass mark! So, when I saw this workshop I thought I'd go for it.

Our tutor, Anna Page, was in a girl band which got close to signing with a record company several times but it never quite happened, and now she gigs and teaches. She taught us structure and to write what motivated us, what we were passionate about. Those who were particularly musical could use some instruments Anna brought along and there was a piano in the room. One guy had brought his guitar and offered me use it if I wanted. However, I was struggling to write lyrics due to the noise of people playing and singing into phones! We were told we could move around and had use of the bar and that's where I headed. I was trying to write a song about loving solitude. It was going to be a sort of love song and why I needed space. The distractions and a discussion with 'guitar man' the lyrics ended up that I couldn't find any peace!

Two things didn't work for me. The room we used was poorly lit and had no windows (it was once and old garage) and the distractions. For this type of writing I need total peace and light! Going into the bar was far better. People were talking but there were only a handful of people and I could switch off. My lyrics are not great. I'm not going to be using them. However, it was a good exercise and we all read out our lyrics. Some were able to sing their songs. I never got that far. Anna gave us some handouts and I shall be working through those.

My attempt at some lyrics didn't quite work.

Strangely, when In woke the next morning an idea came into my head. I had a subject and some rhyming words and I sat in bed with sun streaming in and wrote the lyrics for a whole song. All I need now is some music (which might change the words as I put it together). Anyway, I was pleased.

A full set of lyrics written the following morning.

Sunrise over Eastbourne

So, Saturday I took the train to Hastings. My second workshop in Jerwood Gallery wasn't until the afternoon so I had time for some browsing around the old town, visiting a church and some antique shops. My workshop ticket gave me free entry into the Jerwood Gallery exhibitions so I enjoyed looking around. I went over to the Book Fair. I knew which books I wanted but they didn't have them. I think that's because they were by famous authors who were giving talks and doing book signings.

The workshop I attended was by Michael Loveday on Flash Fiction. We soon delved into some writing, picking a location for our story. He guided us through the structured method and in between talked about what flash fiction is. We read some flash fiction pieces on a handout sheet and then discussed how they made us feel and what made them work etc. We paired up to discuss our own workshop pieces a few times. We then attempted to write a new piece using a different method - by choosing three random pictures and trying to find a link. We then discussed this method. It was interesting to see how different methods worked for people. Some preferred the structured method while others preferred the more random method. I struggled with both but strangely the structured method worked slightly better and that was a surprise because I'm not a planner. I think I shall try and use this method for a few new pieces and see how it goes. I found this an interesting process and Michael a great teacher. I never write well in workshops because I get anxious but I learn a lot, and that's what it's all about. There were more handouts to take home with recommendations for a book, a reminder to the methods and other information. Some months back I bought a copy of Michael Loveday's book Three Men on the Edge (V. Press), a novella-in-flash. I must get round to reading it now.

On my last day I met up with brother who lives just outside Eastbourne and we took the bus up to Sovereign Harbour where neither of us had ever been. We had a lovely walk and lunch before coming back into Eastbourne. There was an MG car rally which was interesting - there is something nostalgic about classic cars. We then said goodbye and I went off to the pier to buy some sweets to take home for the family.

Sovereign Harbour

It was a lovely long weekend and well done to the Hasting Litfest for putting together a great programme. I might not have got to everything I could have but my aim for this break was to take time for myself. I am one for variety in life and would have hated being stuck inside the whole weekend, especially as the weather was so gorgeous. This was a nice combination.

Evening falls over Eastbourne

Last day in Winchester and home

St Batholomew's Church

What's the first thing you do when you return home from a holiday? For me it's getting the kettle on for a cup of tea and opening the post. So that's what I did today.

I've just transferred all my photos on to the computer. Before that I went through all my emails. I did have one quick look through them while I was away just in case there as something burning away there, but no.

Yesterday 'the hubs' and I were out walking for a few hours. I'd picked up a leaflet in Winchester Museum about Hyde Abbey, founded in AD 903 by Alfred the Great and his son Edward the elder. Originally located in the city centre but moved in 1110 due to the northern suburb of the city due to the site being overcrowded with the Norman Cathedral expansion.

The site is quite close to where we were staying so after breakfast we bundled ourselves up in winter wear and set off to see what remained of it. Not a lot actually. There is Hyde Gate which now sits between a road and a housing development, and the church of St Bartholomew is still there (a service was taking place so no chance to see inside). We set off down another road towards Abbey Gardens where only the line of the church remains. This is the area where the relics and burials were. This now forms part of the gardens and had been planted up. A glass plaque shows how it would have looked but getting a photo of that was hard.. Parts of walls remain and run along a stream but a lot has been built over. It is said that the remains of King Alfred, his wife and son were here but like all stories there are other stories of removal, empty coffins etc!

Hyde Gate

Glass plaque 

Where the relics and burials were, now planted up

From there we went back into the city for a hot drink at cafe Eighteen 71 (of course). They were really busy due to the Christmas market. In fact it was easier to avoid the market at the weekend as it was stop/start/stuck! The cafe forms part of the Guildhall and that day there was a Vintage Fair in the Guildhall. Somehow I managed to persuade 'the hubs' to go in, despite having to fork out £2 each! It was wonderful - like going back into childhood. I spotted several things - a folding ruler like my Dad had, brooches my Mum would have worn, toys, old magazines and dressmaking patterns, china, clothes and a whole suitcase full of Ladybird books. I went through every one of those trying to find Places of Work because it has a picture of Bentalls where generations of my family worked, including me for the first nine months of my working life, aged fifteen! Anyway, I could not find the book but I loved looking at the other books.

There was a live band playing 'vintage music' and a few people dancing. It was wonderful. I managed to find a couple of Christmas stocking presents without spending a fortune. So I was pleased.

From there we decided to walk along the water meadows towards St John's Cross. We walked there last year and I had a look around the church and buildings. It was closed for the season this time but the walk was nice. We came back into the city for a very late lunch, bundling into McDonalds only to be asked to leave while three quarters through our burgers due to a 'water problem' downstairs. Everyone had to leave. I managed to stuff the rest of my food down, then we walked back to the B&B (just up the road) to drink my hot chocolate in peace. While relaxing on the bed with the TV on I promptly fell asleep!

Along the water meadows

And so the holiday ends. I know I shall be back in Winchester again. I love it there. Next time, maybe a different time of year, we will use it as a base and get the bus out to nearby places. I already have a list of three places, including the home of Jane Austen at Chawton.