Opening doors

Me with fellow students on presentation of our
Diocesan Certificate in Biblical & Theological Studies,
Southwark Cathedral, 2008

Have you noticed how one thing leads to another? In my fifties I took up learning again, and basically I haven't stopped since! Taking one short course with the Open University led to more until I took a first year degree course in Humanities. Doors to other interests then beckoned.

I left school at fifteen without any qualifications. To be honest I never enjoyed school and couldn't wait to get out. I was one of those kids who never seemed to fit in and, I always maintain, was a late developer. My childhood was very sheltered and that didn't help with making friends. I guess I turned inward. My only interest in school was sport, art and RE (Religious Studies). Already a pattern was forming. My brush with writing was a good one in primary school. My teacher told my parents I could write about anything. In secondary I was told people don't write like that. That dented my confidence and I then felt angry because I'd based my story on life with writer's imagination.  I never found my teachers particularly encouraging which further ate into my confidence. Let's just say that school haunted me for years to come.

Years later a work colleague described me as intelligent and I was floored. Me? Really? But it got me thinking. By then I was an avid reader and learning things for myself, but it wasn't until years after  I'd married and had two kids that my curiosity led me to the OU. It felt right to choose a course entitled Words and Music. I loved it. I'd never been taught like this before. I took other short courses until I plucked up the courage to take on a full year course in Humanities. I drooled over the books that came in the post and then panicked as I looked at what I'd be learning. There were tutorials to attend in London  which meant I had to participate in a class situation. That freaked me out. I was a sit at the back, don't speak person. Yet gradually I found myself making comments. It was like I was slowly flowering. That year I tackled things I thought I would hate like Medea (Greek play). I ended up going to see a performance on my own a few years later. It was a modern take and I adored it. Other subjects included art history, religion, philosophy (which I did hate and nearly gave up the whole course as it reduced me to a wreck!). We looked at architecture, more specifically the  Colosseum  in Rome.(I've still yet to visit it). We were advised to watch Gladiator, not a film I'd choose as I hate violent films, but I fell in love with it, and as for the music from it.....We also studied poetry and music. The assignments were tough. I'd never written one in my life before, though we had plenty of help with that. I didn't excel, no Distinction, but I did get a Pass. We had the choice of sitting the exam at the centre or at home. I chose home because I could relax there. We had strict time constraints, and I guess they trusted us. There were four choices in the exam - philosophy (no way!), art, poetry and music. I chose art and music and got my highest mark for music. I gained a Certificate in Humanities. This was a big achievement for me.

After that year I did consider going on and almost signed up to take a second year course in religion, but I wavered and did nothing. Instead I ended up studying for a Certificate in Biblical & Theological Studies with Southwark Cathedral. I'd never have had the courage to do that had I not studied with the OU first because I had assignments to write for that too, and yes I proudly got my Certificate and was presented with it at a special 'do' in the cathedral. This was my graduation.

Everything goes back to that OU course. I went on to take courses at Morley College in art history, music and poetry and online courses in Forensics (all branches), which I have loved. My science and maths is complete shit (sorry) but I love the subjects, stuff to do with the law interests me, and I took more art history courses. I found that certain people from the past follow me around and crop up in other studies, I guess because of certain eras I particularly like. I'd say anything from the 1800's onwards in art. People like Tom Paine, Darwin, William Morris and the whole pre-Raphaelite group and related artists and The Bloomsbury Group crop time and time again.

What does all this have to do with writing, you may ask. Well, I notice when I write art and music creep in somewhere. I use what I have learned, not necessarily on purpose. It just gets into my writing. I have written a few stories based on religious people (a vicar, a,n organist and a nun - sounds like the start of a joke there). One of the first stories I ever wrote when I was in my teens, the main character was a struggling artist! Food seems to feed in (sorry about the pun....no I'm not!) to some stories, and last year I became fascinated by the Frost Fairs in London back in the day. I've been doing some research on them, bought books set in those times and last December went with my hubby on a Thames Cruise to learn all about the time of Frost Fairs. I'd written one story that features a brief glimpse at one such fair, and it sparked the imagination, and now am considering a series which spans the past and the future. I do this for me really, no one else.

Learning has increased my confidence. I'm not the person I was. I still struggle with the whole confidence and social thing. I'm an extrovert trapped inside an introvert! That's how I often feel. But the learning thing? I do that because I want to know things. I'm basically nosy! It's never been about gaining a degree. I think it was about proving something to myself.