Those words you hear when you say you're a writer

 It took me a long time to tell people I am writer. I mean, when do you say it? When you are spending hours on your laptop or with pen and paper writing pages of work that only you see, when your first piece is published, after you have a book on the shelf of Waterstones? I've heard it said that if you write, you are a writer whether or not you've had something published. I agree with this, but there is this nagging voice inside your head that disagrees. You need approval, and not just from your mum or friends you show your work to (if indeed you are brave enough to show it to them in the first place). You need a competition win, or a piece published in an anthology or magazine. Yet even then, you think it's a fluke. Can you do it again? The answer is, maybe but it might be years before that happens again. So, you're not a real writer then, are you?

This is what goes around inside your head. All the negatives; I'm not good enough; I'll never be a real writer. And then comes the day that you do admit you are writer to someone (in almost an apologetic voice!). And then come the replies - Have you written anything I know? I've always thought about writing a book myself. Most people assume you write novels. People haven't heard of small presses, and so little of them are available in mainstream bookshops or on magazine stands. So, already you are a second rate writer. Your work isn't readily available. I can remember when I finally had a piece of flash fiction published in Popshot, and the lengths I went to pointing out that Popshot could be bought in some branches of WHSmiths. Sometimes the big literary magazines are available in Foyles on the Southbank, but I've never appeared in one of those (yet).

You have to live in my world (the world of writing) to know where to find these small presses to submit to them, let alone read them. You have to be a dedicated reader of poetry to delve into the murky depths of small presses. It's easier to read the classic poets or the modern known names like Simon Armatage, Carol Ann Duffy, Wendy Cope, and dare I say, Pam Ayres. I have no grievance with them, in fact I have books by the first two mentioned and have read the others.

I didn't grow up in a literary family. I never went to Uni, and when I started to write poetry, I thought it had to rhyme. I had a lot to learn! Like other forms of writing, the advice is to read poetry. At the start I had no idea who to read, or where to find books other than in the library or a bookshop. It took a long while to discover small presses, so it's no wonder people I mention them to have no idea what I'm talking about.

Short fiction is the same. What I knew was women's magazines, but I didn't write the sort of romance and easy going stuff in those. Who would want what I wrote? People are more impressed when I say I've written poetry for The People's Friend than when I mention a small press, because everyone, well women, know who The People's Friend are.

When it comes to writing a book (people mean a novel), they have no idea what that takes. That's why it was so interesting to give my talk and the reaction people gave. I feel I gained some respect as a writer after that that.

Why do I, and other writers, have to feel this way? That they have to prove themselves. We write. That's what we do. We are compelled to do it, and that's what I tell people when I'm asked why I write. It's that simple. I cannot imagine my life without writing. If I gave up writing poetry, flash and short stories (and yes I have had a go at novels, but let's not go there!), I'd still have to write in some form. Maybe that's why I had no ambition in most of my jobs. I'd sit staring out of the window composing words in my head! Being a creative, and I pull all art forms into this -  art, music, writing, inventing - anything like that is special. We have something great and powerful, and whether you are still struggling to get your first piece published, or you are on your fifth book, whether traditionally published, self-published or hybrid, it doesn't matter. No one can write the way you do. So, be proud of who you are. The more you tell people you are a writer, the more you will realise it's true. Because even bestselling authors have these negative feelings. It is a struggle, there's no doubt about it, and some will fall by the wayside when the struggle becomes too much. I've almost been there myself.

We need to stick together, us creative types, which is why I often follow emerging writers rather than big names. They need the encouragement, to know they're not alone.