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| Maybe one day? |
For me there is only so much one can take before one has to question whether it is worth it. Recently every rejection (however nicely it's put) seems to narrow the odds of publication. I know this is common for writers to experience, but for me I am finding it more and more depressing. When something you do starts to lose the enjoyment it once had it is time to consider giving up. Actually, it's not the writing. I do still enjoy that, it's the 'business'. I realise I'm probably paranoid but keep hearing that my work doesn't 'fit' publications (even the ones I've researched well), and so many rejections makes me think that my writing is just not good enough. I also know that there are probably four times the entries for a small number that can be taken. This means your work has to be outstanding, or click with the editor!
I also find I'm losing faith with the submission process. Is it me or is the criteria for submissions getting a bit weirder? Sometimes I barely understand what editors are looking for, as the words they use to describe what they want just confuses me so I don't bother. And they always say 'send your best'. Who would send something they didn't consider their best?
I've taken many courses over the years, gone to writing festivals, and in theory know how to write. So it's down to the actual writing, so maybe mine just isn't good enough, my ideas not strong enough. I'm a run-of the-mill writer, not one to stand out, and I guess I have to accept that.
It's not been a great week and if I sound self-pitying, maybe I am, but what I can't deny is the affect this is having on my life. I feel I am coming to the point where I'm not going to be able to put myself through this anymore. I've come across others who have already given up, or are like me and keep trying, falling into the pit and re-thinking before hanging on once more.
I don't consider what I write is mainstream, but I can't write what I don't enjoy. The novel I've been working on is comedy. I've had negative remarks about writing comedy from friends (yet none have read my work!). I feel comedy is looked down on as second rate writing, and that goes for poetry (unless you are Pam Ayres, Spike Milligan or Roger McGough - whose work I enjoy!). Most publication won't touch it. Not that I write just comedy. I've tried all sorts because I don't like to stick to one genre. All I really want to do is share my stories and poems, but if no one wants them then I will have to work out a way in which I can still write and be happy.
Maybe I should form a society for disillusioned writers and then we can publish our stuff together and do what the hell we like!
2 comments:
Oh Heather, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I've just read through your publications/comps wins on your bio and from an objective viewpoint I'd say plenty of editors/judges appear to rate your work, so please don't think it's not 'good enough', whatever that is! Maybe have a short break from sending out, refocus just on writing, remind yourself of the positive feedback when you've won something or had a good acceptance. We all have days like this and I doubt it gets any easier in fact I think rejections get harder the further up the success ladder you go,
so who'd want to be brilliantly successful anyway? Haha! (that's how I console myself each year when I find I've once again come nowhere in the National!) Have you thought of having some mentoring, from a poet/teacher you know/like their work & trust? Just a thought. Take care and keep writing. Remember
not alone in this.
Hi Robin, thank you for your comments, they do help. I know everyone goes through this and I do look at the successes I've had. I think I'm going through a particularly bad time with my own anxieties (why pick writing when you suffer from anxiety, ha!). I started this year off determined not to get bogged down that way, yet here I am.
I'm actually in the middle of a novel writing course at present (a pilot scheme) which I may talk about when I've finished, so I can't quite switch off.
I have thought about mentoring but not sure how to go about this and what I need. I'm a bit all over the place at present. I know I won't feel like this all the time.
Sorry you didn't get anywhere in the National (I gave up entering that one a few years back). Yesterday I did submit a flash fiction piece I wrote last month. I suddenly realised the deadline was within the next few days and I'd forgotten about it!
Having got everything out of my system in my post I did start to feel better, so I guess that helped. Half the time it's about how I react. I used to just get on with it. Nowadays it get upset and it takes me longer to recover. You have to be tough. All I'm saying is that I'm not sure that's me. However, I can't imagine my life without writing.
Thank you so much for responding to my post and I have taken on board everything you said.
I hope you are enjoying your writing and I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
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