Editor's pen - an example

1^st draft

This is mainly a case of getting stuff down that I know/observe in to some sort of form - a quick draft about a magpie.

He bounces in with jaunty air

this pica pica Magpie

sidling hops across to drink

but is spooked and flies in

jerky movement to the fence.

Sleek in black and white plumage

yet the iridescent jade of wings

he calls cha-cha-cha-cha

and flicks his greeny purple tail.

Something has caught his eye

and he leaves the fence with elegance

that is and another loud, harsh call.  (already a change of mind!)

2^nd draft

Trying to put some shape into it, deleting/adding words to make it read better – the scruffy stage. After this I felt I couldn’t work on it anymore; things weren’t working and I left it to stew!

He bounces in with jaunty air

this pica pica Magpie

sidling, hops across to drink

but is spooked and^{up he}flies in

(^with jerky movement to the fence).    

Sleek in ^plumageblack and white plumage

yet the^{and with} iridescent jade of wings

he calls cha-cha-cha-cha

and flicks his greeny purple tail.

Something ^{else intrigues him}has caught his eye

and he leaves the fence with elegance

that is and another loud, harsh call.

and elegantly flies away

calling harshly as he goes

cha-cha-cha-cha.

(NB () indicates I am thinking of deleting this line!)

Final Draft

I saw a pattern in the short words pica pica (the scientific name for the Magpie) and decided to continue using short words/lines to form a pattern in an attempt to describe the movement of the bird.

Magpie

Bouncing with jaunty air

the pica pica magpie

sidles across and drinks,

spooked, it hop, hops,

in jerky, jerky movement;

cautious.

Slick in black and white plumage

it calls - cha-cha-cha-cha

flicks that tail - one, two, three

spreads those iridescent wings

and flies.

This has now been left for at least a week. Having gone back to it I am happy enough with it to post it on the site.  But is a poem ever finished? In a month or two I might look at it and think – could do better, maybe if I substitute that line?

Anyway, editing can be a frustrating occupation – a bit like the hokey cokey.  You put one word in, one word out, in, out, in out, move it all about! Editing goes through many drafts and you keep going until it works but when in frustration leave it, don’t throw it away.  Come back to it weeks later and things will jump out at you and suddenly words fall into place, even if you have to re-write the whole thing.